More Twitter Musings

I keep falling behind on my reports about the Twitterverse.  Today I thought I would present you a selection of some of the more humorous cocktail tweets I’ve come across in the last month or so.  They range from slightly unusual to very delusional, from poetic to frenetic, but all have some entertainment value.  And on a different type of cocktail related note, a surprising number of people appear to be getting screwed on the number of cherries they find in their fruit cocktail.

“lol join me for a cocktail, I am having a raz from bacardi never even knew that it had bats all over the bottle till i stared” @pepperjo68 3/29/9 (If you stare too long, the bats will flap their wings – UM)

“'God gave men brains larger than dogs so they wouldn't hump women's legs at cocktail parties.' - Ruth Libby.” @Krashenburn 4/25/9

“humpty dumpty sat on wall humpty dumpty had a great fall why did humpty have a great fall because humpty dumpty had a cocktail on that wall” @AlexdaKat 3/29/9 (This doesn’t scan well, but at least it demonstrates a good grasp of causality. – UM)

“@raincoaster I like matching panties to the cocktail for the evening haha” @erinmaher (You’ve got to like a woman that thinks this way… panties might be sandy if cocktail is Sex on the Beach, frumpy if cocktail is Old Fashioned, … OMG the possibilities – UM)

“Having leisurely lunch @ café claude. Gotta love a place that names a cocktail “zidane's coup de tête” ” @ivanski 4/15/9 (Had to include this for you football fans – UM) 

Ladies and Distress

On the Twitter front, it sounds like the reality show (For the Love of Ray J?) that includes a woman named Cocktail is down to three contestants.  Thank God!  I hope they don’t rerun it.  I hate having all those tweets clogging up my cocktail feed.  The bad news is that Cocktail appears to be one of the lead contenders and may not get kicked off soon.  (This even though I discovered how to block "cocktail" tweets containing “shrimp” or “ray”.) 

My list of saved tweets keeps growing, so I thought I would harvest a bunch to share with you.  I have enough in the queue that I was able to go through and try to find a common theme.  I found a group of tweets that all seem to be from young women under different degrees of cocktail distress.

“Tonight at dinner my mom ordered a giblet as her cocktail. Then a gimlet. She meant a gibson. I drank her gimlet. Mmm, turkey guts.” @beautifulkind 4/3/9 (Well, they all have gin in them (except the giblet). – UM)

“I need a stiff one. Cock or cocktail. I'll take either. I'm not so picky.” @DPH_13 3/26/9 (As for me, I’ll have the cocktail. – UM)

“I like my men like I like my tequila... Able to knock me out with little effort.” @monicawesome 3/24/9 (I like a woman who knows what she likes. – UM)

“for tonight's cocktail party should i look "for real" nice or "hooker that took a shower" nice?” @itsakawskything 4/3/9 (Depends on who you want to hook up with… – UM)

“made the mistake of saying 'cocktail' (dress) in an update & is now being followed by what seems to be a group of alcoholics” @staceeeeee 3/29/9 (No, the UM is not following her. – UM)

 “Almost just puked up the mexican lunch and cocktail I had before working out. Perhaps not a great idea.” @MissBritannyD 4/3/9 (Thanks for sharing that with us – UM)

“I'm working on a new cocktail called The Sheep F*cker” @gloomy_tuesday 4/3/9 (WTF!! This is an original.  (I try to avoid encouraging stereotyping, but I must inform you that she is from Australia.) – UM)

 

More Musings from the Twitterverse

My TweetDeck “cocktail” search continues to deliver lots of entertainment value, whether I’m sipping a cocktail while reading it or not.  In the interest of bringing you messages from the front lines of the cocktail culture, I decided to start saving the more interesting tweets and to blog them whenever I build up a good set.  The cocktail frenzy seems to reach a crescendo on Friday, so today is a good day to post.  Besides, I'm stuck at my dad’s with no cocktail gear in sight…

“đồng chí @jishanvn có pha mấy ly nước chanh mà cứ nổ là cocktail , thật nà hâm mộ bạn í =)) #chemgio” @dlead 3/24/9 (cocktail as universal language… – UM)

“habe heut einen #cocktail für 4,50€ getrunken - und das in #HH! #cafe #may #apostelkirche #eimsbüttel” @frollein_bombus 3/28/9 (further proof – UM)

““I’m a hobbyist, but I'm sort of intense about it,” said @maddow of her cocktail affinity. “I’m like a mean dork about it.” ME TOO!” @amytokes 3/25/9 (A lot of us think that way. – UM)

“going home for a cocktail. screw this.” @lisaatcupcake 3/25/9 (A lot of us think that way. – UM)

“Just remembering that one of the downsides to cocktail parties is the hours standing about in stilettos. On the plus side there is champagne” @MAllyse 3/25/9 (A lot of us think that way… those stilettos kill my feet, too. – UM)

 “I wish I was laid on a beach with a cocktail in one hand and a good book in the other!! but instead im in an office bored and its freezing!!” @DANCINGRED 3/25/9 (I took this as daydreaming about reading and sipping a cocktail while having sex on the beach, but draw your own conclusions.  I do, however agree with the cocktail part. – UM)

 “Nothing wrong with a cocktail at lunch... It's not considered drinking until you've had 4 shots.” @prettyfontaine 3/26/9 (!!– UM)

“@Zuzusu great bar and cocktail list, but why are there always dodgy middle aged men in leather jackets at the bar when you're ordering?” @FionaKyle 3/28/9 (Fiona: the UM may be dodgy and middle-aged, but no leather jacket. – UM)

Deep Thoughts on Cocktail Hour

If there’s one deep truth I've learned from keeping a search for "cocktail" continually open on TweetDeck it’s that it's always cocktail hour somewhere around the globe.  Twitter users are not evenly distributed globally (and I’m only searching in English, although “cocktail” is a semi-universal cultural phenomenon and should appear in all languages), but between North America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, there is always someone ready for a cocktail, someone else who could use a cocktail, someone on their way to have a cocktail, someone meeting friends for cocktails, someone who just finished having cocktails, and, of course, someone saying that it’s cocktail hour.  Seeing the level of interest in cocktails is really heartening for an amateur mixologist like me, but it’s kind of tough to be hearing about cocktail hour at 8:00 AM and to know that it’s just a tad early for a cocktail if I have any hope of getting anything accomplished during the next eight hours, not to mention having any hope of going to the gym.

Here’s a sampling:

“I came home from the cocktail event and had some ice cream for dinner. It counts as protein, sorta, right?” @dreamsequins. (Wow, never looked at it that way – UM)

“Stuffed with fish struggling to breathe... Need a cocktail.” @j_frankle. (Rather disturbing image? – UM)

“Delicious cocktail I made this weekend. It's called a "Christmas Caipirinha" but I think it's better for spring. http://bit.ly/3qqUiA” @Thessaly. (Note: Christmas comes mid-summer in Brazil – UM)

“wants a cocktail and a jacuzzi.” @merelyaesthetic. (Why not a cocktail in a jacuzzi? – UM)

 “cocktail time. i'm sure happy hour was invented on a monday!” @ShawnaB (Ditto. – UM)

“ADD why must u torture me! lol I need a focus cocktail. ;) oh look a butterfly...” @BBB40.  (! – UM)

“I'm working on a cocktail called grounds for divorce.” @??  (I see this gem about once a day, so I didn’t want to credit it. – UM)

I could read this stuff all day, and sometimes I do.  Of course, there’s a lot of noise in the feed.  People who just had a shrimp cocktail (or worse: people who just had a bad shrimp cocktail and are experiencing severe consequences).  Personally, shrimp cocktail is one drink I avoid; they are a little chunky for my taste and tend to stick on the way down.  The lemon is good, though, and can be used creatively in another cocktail.

Fortunately for me, thinking about cocktails requires a lot of serious thought, but not too much.  I could spend the entire day deciding what cocktail to have this evening, but that wouldn’t be very productive, either.  I would like to write more on this topic, but I really need a cocktail. Maybe a Jack Rose tonight. Ciao!